Two years of loving you

As Aria’s second birthday quickly approaches, I have found myself reminiscing the last two years. I wish I could go back in time to my former self, back to when Aria was only a few days old and tell myself that it will all be ok in the end. Tell myself that it’s ok that you are crying every single time that you nurse your baby, the feelings you are having are normal but don’t forget to talk to Joff. It’s ok that you are tired and exhausted, you were in labour for three days – well done you! Take the nap and don’t feel guilty.

9 Days old

Then fast forward to Aria being four weeks old, I would tell myself that it’s ok you chose to stop breastfeeding, you are a not a bad mother and Aria will grow up to be healthy and intelligent regardless. It’s ok that you feel an overwhelming amount of protectiveness around your winter baby who seems to be surrounded by germs in every direction. It’s ok that you want to hold her close and never let her go because she will grow into a happy and sociable little girl regardless.

23 Days old

Motherhood is full of doubts and second guessing. Am I doing the right thing for my baby? Am I making the right choices? And then other people will always offer their twos cents and completely throw you off your game. I remember constantly feeling on edge about every choice I made and every move I made. I now look at my; clever, friendly, happy, caring, kind, determined, funny and beautiful girl and know that I got it just right. Every choice I made has led us here. I remember feeling like the cruel mum because I wouldn’t let her snatch a toy from another child – “Oh she’s just a baby” people would say but I never accepted that as a reason for Aria to not learn basic social skills. Fast forward to now and she would never snatch from another child and will often share her toys if another child comes over to her – beaming proud mumma moment right there!

I rarely doubt myself now, I have become much more confident in myself and my ability as a mother, and I guess the reason for that is seeing how amazing Aria is. She has her fair share of tantrums and melt downs but that’s because she is stubborn and determined, she is strong minded and wilful! – who know’s she may be a CEO one day! Aria has achieved so much in the last two years. she has gone from a tiny wriggly newborn who doesn’t do much but eat, sleep and poop to an energetic, running, talking toddler – how utterly surreal and amazing is that?!

6 Months

I remember getting to that six month mark with Aria and suddenly everything felt easier, things just seemed to ‘click’ all of a sudden. I was feeling more ‘normal’ and less emotional. Aria seemed calmer and easier to predict and her personality was really shining through. I remember saying that it was my favourite stage so far. I didn’t enjoy the newborn stage in the way I thought I would, I was constantly battling with my inner thoughts and having hormones ravage my brain. I wish I was kinder to myself and didn’t put so much pressure on myself. I wish I took the time to rest and sleep and not feel guilty. At six months old, Aria was a bundle of chubby happiness and I just loved our cuddles on the sofa and spending time out in the warm air of summer. It was a good time.

9 Months

Aria’s first word was ‘bird’, she said this at 9 months old whilst we were away in Spain on our first family holiday abroad. We went to look at the aviary in the hotel every day and she eventually said it towards the end of the week! I remember feeling an overwhelming feeling of pride and could just feel my heart grow. It was a perfect holiday, full of happiness and joy and I was feeling lucky to have my little family.

One Year

At 12 months old, it was even easier! Aria was becoming a proper little person, she took her first steps around eleven months old so was now toddling around and was beginning to say lots of new things! We did it! We got through the first year and came out the other end stronger and happier than ever before! Rewind to those first few days after Aria was born and I just couldn’t see there being a moment in my life where I could feel this happy. How cruel our minds can be.

23 Months

Fast forward to now and Aria is just my little best friend. I couldn’t imagine a life without her, I can’t remember a time that she wasn’t here. She is a sassy, cheeky and lovable little character and I love her so much. Aria can; talk in full sentences, she can dance like no one is watching, she can make the best cup of ‘coffee’ that I have ever tasted, she has the most cheekiest, infectious smile that I ever did see, she knows all of her shapes, she knows most of her colours, she can count to fifteen, she can run, jump and spin and she is just perfect to me.

Two years of loving you Aria, and here’s to a lifetime more.

Lauren xx

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